I wanna go Escape Theme Park again. Yay. Okay, so Ahmad and Khai and Rasyad and Emma got me addicted to Inverter. And Go Kart. And the cheesy rollercoasters.

Okay, so I've basically been so lazy to update my blog. Since it's the holidays, I'm like so gonna update it alot. So, maybe, my holidays is gonna be full of boring stuff to do. Like for example, studying? Staying at home? Yeah, probably. But I'm sooo looking forward to go out, I mean, it's called a holiday for a reason, isn't it?

So I have art class practically everyday but nobody bothers to come. I know, because I went to school for Mother Tongue lesson and saw nobody in the art room. Harharhar, poor Mr. Amin.

BORED LA.

Hello.

There's different types of promises, don't you think? Let me name a few...

1) Friendship promises: when, for example, you hold out your pinky and swear to keep a secret about a gossip or an unknown relationship or whatever.
2) Family promises: when your parents, for example, promises you to buy that outfit you've been obsessing and begging about to them.
3) Self promise: when you think you're fat, you promise yourself, 'damnit, I need to lose weight.'

Problems about promises:
1) Friendship promises: some friends are backstabbers.
2) Family promises: sometimes your Mum or Dad go broke and you go insane because you don't get what you want. Brat.
3) Self promise: you stuff yourself in oily french fries and fattening fizzy drinks while you feel guilty about adding them to your fats hall of fame.

Me?

1) None currently. Hopefully not. But will happen. Soon.
2) Um. I feel guilty, you know? Read last blog post, kthxbaii.
3) YES. EXACTLY WHAT I'M FUCKING FACING. NOOOOOOOO.

Okay, enough about promises.

What I really wanted to talk about is;

Drum roll please.

jengjengjeng...

relationships.

Okay, so half of teenagers experienced this silly thing called 'puppy love'. And when you're deeply in love, you want to believe he's the right one, and you'd spend eternity with him, yada yada yada. You get the point?

And for some, after a few months, he/she gets seriously tired of seeing his face like, for example, in school. And you think you're good enough to snag someone better.

And for some, even, while having a relationship, are two-timing or even better, ten-timing or whatever. How bitchy or bastardly.

Anyway, those who often quarrel, some fights has a meaning. Like maybe it's a sign you should get back together with him/her, or probably you'd have to accept the fact that the fight is a lesson learnt to you.

Sigh, I'm bored. Maybe I'll continue this tomorrow or something. Byeeeeeeeeeeeee

Hello, I'm back for so fucking long muahahaha.

Firstly, if you deleted me, I don't give a damn.

Secondly, if you want me to link you, I'd be happy enough to. But if you would kindly write your blog names in spaces in the middle or something, because my popup has been doing a good job blocking interesting advertisements for me. Thanks.

I just wrote to get all my feelings out.

First things first, I've definitely been having problems. Family relationship totally broke off, it wasn't like before. I cried on my mother's shoulders, been holding her tight throughout this few days, because I feel weak inside.

My Mum kept saying 'it's okay to cry, let your feelings out, talk it out,' and I just couldn't do it. Because 1) it's pathetic to cry in front of your mother when you're practically an adult and 2) sometimes problems and tears can't be erased. So I like told my mother 'I'm gonna go write.' and she nodded and left me alone. It was 5 days ago when I said that. I could still remember the headachey feeling I had whenever I thought about it.

And yeah, seriously because of this, I get pissed at any small matters: to waking up late to go to school (haha) to friends. And yeah, as a result, I've been abit evil these days. I seriously apologize to those who terase or whatever, okay? Because yeah, I can't always keep a happy smile and pretend everything's fine when it's not.

So basically I've been drowned in thoughts, like my Mum says, and I'm pretty much traumatized by what happened a few days ago. It was like, one moment I was having fun with my friends and the next moment you're at home crying. It all happened in a day, and why, why couldn't I see the signs? (ps, this has absolutely nothing to do with BG relationships.)

And now I'm feeling fearful because he might do it again, and confused even though the answers were so obvious. Why was it so hard to figure out the whole thing? It practically flew by my eyes and I didn't even twitch a muscle to stop this.

Now, everything's cleared up, and my Mum reassured me everything will slowly go back to normal. But deep inside my heart and hers, I know this isn't going to be normal. I can't look at him the same way now, so will she. But she put up a strong fight and eventually gave in, for the sake of us. And I nodded numbly listening to that. And she said those words, as if I'm going to smile and forget the whole incident had happened and easily forgotten. But hey, I sometimes suffer from Short Term Memory, but this? It's gonna be bugging me for a damn long time.

So, point is: I'm sorry to all I've hurt or whatever, I am vaguely aware of my mistake. I guess whatever's in me was totally controlling me and my sort of 'frustration' has reared it's ugly head and surfaced and I promptly vented it on you guys.

Okay, so...

'till then, bye.

Don't you just wish a simple problem would just disappear? I do. And I fucking made it big. Oh yes I did.

Words - empty flying daggers.
Heart - beating slowly, stability.
Questions - oh so swift.
Running through the exploding veins.

No, tears won't save anything.
Lies just destroys everything.
Tie, oh bloody tie the cord around it.
Tighten, fucking tighten it.

Scars are here to stay
But why won't the pain go away?
Thoughtlessly, I didn't see
That I planned all along all my sins

And this is exactly why I hate relationships. It comes and go, the stupid feelings. Dolled up. Bottled in. Stupid. I'm so stupid.

I'm laying here, soulless and hurt
Feelings fragile, sifting through dust
Tears flowing, lost in the wind
Broken glass lay dead, a crush destroyed

Words string from your mouth like a web
The spider venom poisoned in my mind
I'm capturing nothing again
Again on this pale dark night

And you think it was easy to move on
Without your warmth against my skin
I guess some feelings fade
But it was you I wanted all along

You sit there, ever so enchantingly graceful
It's hard not to notice your lips curve
It's hard to get you to love me back
It's hard because it's you

And I just wish you're beside me
Taking my hand, floating through the sky
Skimming through the sparkling ocean
Walking along the meadows, together

Oh, that's just a dream for me to hold
My heart, a crumpled piece of paper
A pen, stabbing furiously through it
A love, never ever to forget

I just can't let go of this feeling, you know? It's been happening alot to me lately. You're like so contented with your life, worrying about nothing but time. And the next moment, you just feel like bam! everything's lost. No, I don't even think it's attention-seeking cravingness.

It's like a bird with faltered wings.
It's like a fish with altered gills.
It's like a cut-throat damnation.
It's like a echoing scream in your deranged mind.
It's like a glass piercing through a prolonged fever.
It's like a sea churned up by a storm.
It's like a dagger darting and lurking at the corner of your eyes.
It's like a explosion of melancholious raindrops.
It's like a rose losing it's petals.
It's like a breathing ragdoll with no lungs.
It's like a schitzophrenic wall screaming your name.
It's like a revenge between slitting foes.
It's like a laughing mirror with metamorphical images.
It's like a war between a halo and horns.
It's like a whispering drops of blood.

Exactly how I'm feeling right now.

Blank empty space perched in my heart
Where oh where do we get our inspiration?
Light floods the room like thoughts within a suicidal mind
It's fucking hard to move on, time stopped in motion

Open the door to your broken misplaced love
Hey, you're not alone
Because life is fucking you through
And you just want a hand to hold throughout

Anger, rage, engrave this in my name
Dust, thoughts, piling in my fragility
Break, shatter, glass dance infront of your eyes
Gasp, breathe for your own stability

I felt the wind blowing at my fingertips, and my eyes flashed against the silent passing of the wind.

Whoooosh... whooo...

Darkness swallows my feet, and slowly, crept to my knees, and to my thighs, to my hips, belly, arms, chest, neck... and finally, darkness swallowed me whole. I screamed as wings sprouted out of my back, those huge ugly pulsing veins that reminds me of maggots. I fell to my knees, screaming out tears of black ink, camouflaging the darkness. I balled up my fists and raised it into the air, cursing.

What has become of me?

Scream all you want. A voice inside my head laughed. 'No-one can hear you. For you are, the Angel of Darkness.' So, that's what I am? 'Your job now, is to suck the sins out of every evil men or women.' Woah, Ghost Rider much? Where's my bike? 'Of course, they have to pay a price.' Way too freaky. 'Their lives.' And yeah, he can stop cackling already.

I stared helplessly at my hands. The same thick oozing pulsing veins as my black wilted wings. My legs. Oh, nothing interesting there. Except for a piece of grass which stuck to itself there. Huzzah. Well, look on the bright side. At least I didn't need to shave.

I flung my hands to my face. Surprisingly, no veins. How thoughtful. So the Queen of Dork-ness has no veins in her face. I wonder what new feature is added to my um, fair complexion. If you consider fair as the thick black darkness, though. Umm, little voice inside my head? I need a mirror. Because a girl can't live without mirrors, even though she turned into a freakish little dark fairy with pulsing veins. She still has to see herself. 'My Queen, you need no mirror. You look perfect, perfect like the silent darkness.' Sheeeesh, talk about royalty.

I sighed, since I'm stuck with the fate of being the dork fairy, I might as well get used to it. So, first's things first. Where am I suppose to go? 'Find the most evil man living in your village.' And, um, who might that be? And like, I'm basically supposed to listen to this little voice inside my head which tells me what to do? Isn't that like, schitzophenic? Oh gosh, I am turning mental. And metal. Because seriously, that's what the veins look like. Silver shiny pulsing humongous tubes. Go me. 'Your father.'

Backtrack. My father? Hello? Has he completely lost his mind (I doubt he has one, anyway.) But.. of all people, it could be the stupid butcher who chops chicken heads mercilessly, it could be that evil cashier behind the candy store because he's pretty much lives to the name of evil since he charges 10 cents more than the original price in the store. Talk about earning money the hard way, and emptying 10 cents less in our pockets.

'Yes, your father. He's the one who banished you. He has piled your sins before your very eyes. He was the one who descended your curse. He was the one who didn't bother to stop the curse. For he should suffer.' Um, that's so... not father-daughter relationship friendly. Suck the sins out of your own father? I think he has his own sins to deal with until his time. Until it hit me.

Knock, knock, little voice in my head. Does this means I have the power to kill anyone I choose? 'If you put it nicely, you have the power to demortalize the very sinners in this planet. You have the power to make peace to the world, to teach them a lesson.' Basically, I can kill people with a touch of my hand. That about sums it up, don't you think?

With a heavy sigh, I blended into the darkness, darting back to my village. And you thought superheroes exist. I wish I had a comic strip of my own, only without the pulsing veins and maybe add a tight costume. Like anyone cares. Because I'm still stuck in here sucking sins. Now, isn't that fun?